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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?